Secrets of the Past
by Natalie.LP
Summary: Everyone has a past, something the BAU team know all too well. The team's newest recruit Agent Ava Gray's past is coming back to haunt her at full speed and all she can do is watch in horror as things go from bad too worse. Will her best friend and secret lover Derek Morgan still be around at the end of it all? Only time can tell...
1. Chapter 1

Ava Gray woke with a jolt with images that had plagued her sleep still playing in her mind, mocking her as she kept her eyes closed in despair. The nightmares had returned. She had been expecting them; they always came back when she was particularly stressed and he wasn't by her side, keeping her safe even in sleep. Yet they still shook her to the core each time, always just as fresh as they had been on the days of the memories themselves – every emotion, touch, smell and sight. It was worse this time around though. The images really did feel like they were taunting her; it was because of them the argument had started in the first place, the reason he wasn't next to her in that moment comforting her.

A tear slowly fell as she stared blankly at the ceiling, he had been furious with her… and so _hurt_… and she couldn't even explain her reasoning. It had been their first real fight, she just hoped that they would get past it. That he would be able to forgive her.

When Ava transferred into the BAU she had felt somewhat out of place, they were such a close team – a family really – and she was an outsider. Soon enough she'd felt more at home, they were all extremely welcoming and once Ava had shown just how skilled a profiler she could be she fit right in. Building strong friendships quickly and finding new best friends in Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan, Ava finally felt at home. It became clear after a few months however that friendship was simply not enough with one of them. They started with a few slightly awkward drunken moments slowly developing into a casual relationship which they kept a secret from the team. As time went by the 'casual' side ended as they realised there was certainly nothing casual about their feelings for one another. It was during this transition that they decided to tell their closest friends the truth, while still keeping it a secret from the rest of the team (they had the fraternisation regulations to contend with after all). Penelope and Spencer were thrilled when they found out, and were so happy to see the way they were together –so obviously in love.

It had now been 3 years since she joined the team; 2 and a half years since she had started seeing Derek; and nearly 2 years since they had officially become a couple. It had all been going so well, they were strictly professional at work and on cases they had the support of Reid and Garcia if anything happened – and out of hours they were happily in love. Another tear slipped down, then another until she was silently sobbing as she thought about their fight and how she didn't know what she would do if she lost him. Their day had started so well. They had taken Clooney for a walk in the sunshine and Derek had bought ice cream in the park, then they had cooked lunch together and spent the afternoon curled up on the sofa watching their favourite films. Then Derek's mother called – same time every Sunday they were home – and the day began to go downhill.

He had been so excited when he ended the call, Fran had been demanding to meet Ava for months now – ever since he had told her about their relationship – and he had finally agreed to give in. He wanted to organise a weekend break to Chicago for them in the next month, and then maybe a weekend the month after to see her family in Alabama. Ava knew how much Derek's family meant to him, how much he wanted her to meet them officially. She had spoken to Fran plenty of times on the phone, even to Sarah and Desiree once or twice, but while she thought they were wonderful she was still terrified at the thought of meeting them in person for the first time. Would they still think she was good enough for him when they see the real her? Yet looking at the ecstatic and hopeful glint in her lover's eyes she knew she would do it for him without a second thought.

Then he mentioned _her_ family… now that was something she wouldn't do. Not even for him.

_**flashback**_

'I'd love to go to Chicago and meet everyone properly Der.' Ava stated flashing a smile. 'We can look at booking flights now if you want to? Or if we wait until tomorrow we can see if Hotch will let us have the Friday and Monday off as well so we can make it a long weekend? Although I'm not sure he'll be able to clear both of us… Especially since he doesn't know about us. But it might be worth asking?'

'Yes!' Derek exclaimed excitedly. 'We'll ask, just say we both happen to be visiting family the same weekend – what a coincidence.' Derek winked conspiratorially at his girlfriend.

'Make sure you let your Mom know what dates we choose so she can be ready for us.' Ava chuckled at Derek as he began enthusiastically checking dates and flight prices immediately.

'Ok, so I'm thinking if we go the last weekend of April to Chicago we could maybe do the first week of June to Alabama? And then its a few weekends break in between and you can prepare your family with enough notice since it'll be a surprise for them… Yeah so if we can get Hotch to agree to –' Derek's planning was cut short as Ava interrupted him abruptly.

'No.' She blurted out in panic, wincing slightly at his startled expression. 'I just um… I don't think we should head down to Alabama as well, let's just book Chicago and focus on that?'

Derek's beaming smile tightened slightly as he listened. 'Why not?'

Ava sighed, she knew this would happen someday. 'I just don't think it's a good idea.'

Derek stared at her for a long moment, his smile now completely gone. 'That's not exactly a reason now is it? I wonder sometimes if you've even told them about me? Do they even know you're in a relationship at all? Now that I think about it, how many times have you spoken to my family? And yet I have never even said 'hi' to anyone in yours? I know you speak to your brothers every now and again, it isn't as though you don't keep in touch. What exactly is the reason you want to keep me out of your personal life Ava? You know, I thought we were building a life together, but sometimes it feels like you don't even want me in it!'

Ava was stunned, she certainly hadn't been expecting this. 'Der-'

'No Ava, no excuses or whatever it is you're about to try. I want to know. Do you even _want_ me to meet them?'

Ava felt her eyes fill as she accepted what was to come – she knew how he was going to interpret her response. Bracing herself she turned away from his tense form; she couldn't bear to see his reaction. 'No,' she whispered brokenly.

'No,' he repeated in disbelief. 'No?!' Anger was rapidly masking the crippling agony he felt at her declaration.

'No,' she agreed. 'But it's not what you think. It's not you –'

'Oh please, _do not_ give me that crap. You told me you love me not ten minutes before that call and yet I'm not good enough to introduce to your family? And you have the nerve to tell me it's not about me? I'm the one your rejecting here Ava – who else is it going to be?!'

Derek was standing and close to shouting by the end, he clearly couldn't believe what was happening. Ava felt horrible and yet she was torn – how could she explain? There were some things she would never tell him, parts of her past that she was quite content to never revisit. Her relationship with her mother was non-existent since she was 18 and before that hadn't exactly been smooth sailing. Derek was so close to his Mom, he would never understand. Her father was dead and while she had 2 older brothers with whom she still spoke, they weren't nearly as close as they had been in their youth – merely catching up on the main parts of their lives every month or so on the phone, never meeting up in person. But if she told him all of this, the reasons why there was little point in going to her hometown anyway, because who would she really be able to introduce him to? – then she would have to explain why her family relationships were in the state they were. And therein lay the real issue.

She never got the chance anyway, by the time she focused her attention back on the room she was confronted by her car keys being thrust into her hand and Derek walking away from her. 'I can't even look at you right now. Just... Goodbye Ava.'

_**end of flashback**_

Ava's musings were interrupted by the shrill ringing of her cell phone. Quickly pulling herself together she leaned across and grabbed her phone, checking the caller ID as she did so. Penelope Garcia. Ava stared at it cautiously for a moment, she had no doubt that Derek would have spoken to her last night. Cringing, Ava answered the call with a meek and watery 'hi.'

Penelope's voice was unnaturally cold confirming her suspicions. 'We have a case so go straight to catch the jet this morning. It would probably be best if you leave Derek alone – I'm sure you'll agree that you did enough yesterday.' With that she hung up.

Ava felt like she'd just been slapped, and she knew without a doubt that she deserved it. Dragging herself out of bed and into the shower she began to get ready – she would give him all the space he wanted and/or needed for the duration of the case, and when they returned she would work on making things right. No matter what that took.


	2. Chapter 2

Ava boarded the jet with a bright smile and relaxed posture, she had been able to imitate happiness perfectly since childhood – smooth chestnut curls and light make-up done just right to hide any evidence of her hellish night and eye drops to reduce the telling redness from her tears. Not even her team of expert profilers noticed the difference. _'Perfect,'_ she thought dispassionately. '_Guess I haven't lost my touch.'_ She forced a smile at Spencer when he sat next to her.

'Someone's feeling fresh,' he commented with raised eyebrows, clutching his coffee like a lifeline. 'Where's Morgan?'

'No idea, maybe he slept in or something. I'm sure he'll be here soon. Any idea where we're heading?' Ava replied quickly attempting to change the subject.

Spencer looked curiously at his friend for a moment. '_What on earth? She doesn't know? Didn't she just leave him to come to work? Something is not right.'_ Passing another cursory glance over Ava's features Spencer decided to play along for the moment but made sure to pay close attention to her from that point on, to find anything that would help him understand. 'Yeah, I guess. I'm not sure where yet, I'm sure we'll get a briefing as soon as Morgan arrives.' Despite Spencer's keen attention on her, she appeared perfectly calm as though all was right in the world.

Feeling his gaze burning her she let out a small laugh, 'everything alright there Reid? I feel like I'm a test subject and you're waiting for some kind of side effect to kick in.'

Hotch and Rossi looked up from their conversation in amusement as JJ giggled from her position at the front of the plane. 'You do look pretty intense over there Spence.'

Spencer shook his head in bemusement sending them all a small smile. 'Sorry.'

'Don't worry about it, just stop alright?' Ava laughed, internally letting the relief envelope her as he shifted his focus. _'That was close – he's way too good,' _she thought uncomfortably.

At that moment Morgan entered the jet looked distinctly dishevelled and in a rather sour mood. The team watched in shock as he practically threw himself into a seat slightly away from everyone else. 'Sorry I'm late, I overslept. It won't happen again.'

Spencer's suspicions instantly arose once more as he swiftly turned to look at Ava who was quickly arranging her expression back to neutral. Spencer caught it though; the guilt, misery, fear and concern that flashed through her eyes as she looked at her boyfriend. Something had definitely happened yesterday and he was determined to figure out what. Looking back at Derek, Spencer was frozen momentarily at the fury and agony blazing in his eyes as he looked over Ava, taking in her perfectly put together appearance.

'_She doesn't even care!'_ Derek thought in disgust. _'Looks like she's had the best night's sleep of her life. Unbelievable!'_

'Morgan? Are you –' Hotch began as the jet took off.

'I'm good Hotch, I promise. Shall we get on with the briefing? Where are we going anyway?' Derek quickly interjected wanting the attention to move away from him as quickly as possible.

JJ took her cue at his words, shooting him a look of concern before moving around to hand out the case files. 'Over the last 7 weeks there have been 6 abductions and subsequent murders of young girls in Alabama, and another is currently missing.'

'Wait _seven _weeks?! Why didn't they call us in sooner? That's crazy!' interrupted Rossi as he read along on his file.

'Yes well apparently they thought they had it under control. Luckily two detectives managed to convince their superiors otherwise and we have now been called in.' JJ responded, the annoyance at the delay evident in her tone.

'Hey look at that, guess we're visiting your homeland huh Gray?' Derek called over almost tauntingly.

Spencer felt her whole body tense by his side as she smiled over at Derek, 'looks that way.'

Ava felt like she was going to be sick, sure enough the small town of her youth was listed on the case file as their destination, _'of all the places they could have a case why did it have to be there.'_ She hadn't set foot in her hometown since her high school graduation and had never planned on returning. _'Hopefully I won't bump into anyone I know… Because there's a chance of that in a small town… Well, it's out of my hands now. I just have to keep focus and leave as soon as possible.'_ She thought determinedly.

'Ok, so here's the thing,' JJ continued suddenly in an attempt to dispel the strange tension that had filled the room following Morgan's comment. 'Every girl goes missing after school on the Friday, and every Monday the police receive a call from a disposable cell in the evening with the dumpsite location. Today is Monday, so unfortunately they are expecting Olivia Lawrence's body this evening.'

'The Unsub definitely has a type,' Spencer stated looking through the pictures of the victims. 'All of them have green eyes, light brown hair and a slight build.'

'And yet age doesn't seem so important. They range between 12 and 17, it doesn't make any sense – child killers normally have a specific age they target. The gap between the oldest and youngest girls is huge, 5 years at this age covers a great deal in a child's development.' Hotch explained. 'We have to assume the potential that they could go even further either side at this point – there's no clear pattern there.'

'The sexual component is interesting, the younger girls aren't raped – they found signs of abuse throughout the body but no penetration evident. The girls over 14 years were raped. He's evolving within the age range as well.' Derek commented with disgust.

'Maybe he's preserving their supposed 'innocence' until he obtains a victim of an age he deems as appropriate or ready.' The team turned to look at Ava, there was a strange undertone in her voice as she provided her input. She ignored them, returning her attention back to the files. 'Where were the bodies found anyway? You said they get a phone call so they're in different locations each time?'

JJ nodded in agreement, 'that's right. Each girl was left at a completely different site – but they're all similar places. Hotels, motels, campsites – that kind of thing, and not just in the immediate area, they've covered most of the surrounding towns too.'

'Cause of death?' queried Derek.

'A stab wound to the heart from behind.'

'No hesitation marks, he's calm and calculated – even with the first victim. Either he's done this before or he's planned it so well its perfect each time,' stated Hotch as he examined the photographs of the bodies closely. 'Morgan I want you and Rossi to go to the last dumpsite and take a look around. Reid if you could make a start on the geographic profile with Gray – she grew up here so she may well notice a pattern we wouldn't see. JJ, we'll be meeting with some of the families to see if there's anything other than appearance that links these girls.' When no one had any objections they fell into silence as they all continued to read their case files.


End file.
